There’s Always Something to Offend an Environmental Activist

Despite criticizing governments for their inaction, Greenpeace delegates have wasted 20 minutes complaining about the sun and heat rather than fixing the environment.

(Credit – Fox News, live from Greenpeace)

The environment is important, no one can disagree: it provides us with homes, materials to develop with, and more and more unique ways to generate profit, but when you gather a collective of people trying to prevent the exploitation of the environment into a room, nothing about the world changes in the slightest. Greenpeace is an utterly pointless organization, spending more time talking about how the Vancouver sun made the conference room uncomfortably warm rather then debating and solving the non existence issues they were brought together to discuss.

Fox News sat down with the organizations Nikhil Aziz (pictured lounging on a pillar above) and Sini Hakki to talk about what the committee had worked towards thus far. “We are about to enter voting bloc,” said Hakki, revealing that after a day and a half of vigorous debate in other committees, Greenpeace was yet to pass a single resolution to the issues at hand. Both delegates were more than willing to take time out of their busy schedule to be interviewed, with Aziz stating: “This has been pretty boring, it’s a nice break to talk to the media”. When committee session resumed and the presentation of papers began, actual information as to what has been occurring in the Greenpeace room over the past few days became easier to obtain. Paper 1.1 was brought before the floor first, discussing important and relevant issues like the public image of Greenpeace and how getting celebrities involved could improve said image. Upon entering the question period, next to no questions were posed, giving away how none of the delegates were really all that concerned with the environment, more focused on passing the paper they had been apart of than actually changing the world for the better.

The issues that Greenpeace has been debating should also brought to the attention of the general public as they seem to be entirely false and unimportant when regarding environmental issues. One of the key topics of debate was surrounding how capitalist tendencies are harmful to the environment, an issue that is untrue in its entirety. The natural world exists to provide humanity with what we need to survive, and if something is that important to our life, than it is within the best interests of business men to keep those things alive and plentiful to turn a profit, and if a plant is to die off for good, that is clearly proof that it just wasn’t important and didn’t need to be alive. Another area of debate was how inactive and inefficient the governments of the world are when it comes to dealing with environmental crises, a topic which is evidently a joke given how inactive the Greenpeace committee has been at fixing the issues it has been tasked with solving. Members of different blocs were caught saying that they won’t ever vote for another paper not because they disagree with its contents, but because voting for them means they themselves wouldn’t be able to pass their own resolution, showing just how little the delegates care about the environment.

In an almost poetic turn of events, the Greenpeace committee members stood up and left the conference room in the middle of discussing a paper about the organizations public image to go and get their pictures taken, leaving everything on hold until each and every member looked their best for a photo. As of yet, Greenpeace is still unable to figure out why their public images is so tarnished.

(Credit – Fox News, live from an empty Greenpeace room)

After spending the better part of an hour researching and interviewing the members of Greenpeace, Fox News has come to the unsurprising conclusion that the organization tasked with solving made up environmental issues has made zero progress in changing the world and fixing the environmental issue that the world faces, and that in fact they are too fearful of making their public image worse that they would rather run away from a new reporter than tell the world what they have been doing, absolutely nothing.

“Oh you’re Fox News? Bye Bye!”

– Nikhil Aziz