Shots have been fired in NATO as the USA continues to intimidate delegates with the threat of tariffs. The USA has now brought its tariffs universal as the USA has chosen to target the Exoplanet over 600 light years away known as Kepler 22b. Kepler is referred to as an “Earth-like” exoplanet, marked as possibly being able to sustain human life after the earth is wiped out in 5 billion years. It is not known whether Kepler currently holds life, rendering the tariffs shockingly pointless; the USA diabolically commented, “Kepler might have two penguins or something, I’m sure they are ripping off our great nation. If we had the capability, we would nuke it. Tariffs are a nice option. DO NOT TEST US OR YOU WILL FACE OUR WRATH!!”
After the USA’s unnecessary crash out targeted towards penguins and a random planet 600 billion light years away, multiple medical professionals have suggested an intervention to stop the USA from continuing their isolationist tendencies. Demanding that the USA “take a chill pill before it’s too late.” However, many delegates are not as worried; Happily watching the USA destroy itself from the inside. In the coming days, we will see if the unproven “two penguins” supposedly inhabiting Kepler 22b decide to take any retaliatory measures. Many professionals fear the penguins might plunge Earth into a sixth ice age if the USA’s accusations prove true. Time will only tell as the USA and Kepler continue their extremely one-sided conflict.