British Broadcasting Corporation, 4:26 pm (PT)
Eliminator of Chief Strategy Officer
It was quite the eventful fifth committee session for OpenAI this CAHSMUN conference.
The committee had just begun a crisis session, in which they were informed that ChatGPT, the well known AI bot created by them, was reported to have malfunctioned in the face of users. Examples include saying the Eiffel Tower is in Nebraska, that 1+1=3, that whales and fish are the same, and much more.
The board was thrown into chaos with rapid discussion, accusations against those who were thought to have sabotaged the company, and were ultimately guided to make several difficult decisions.
Previously, as delegates heard about the news, many began accusing fellow delegate Elon Musk of sabotaging the company, based on his recent history and suspiciousness overall. As Jason Kwon stated, “It’s obviously Elon Musk. He’s obviously trying to sabotage our company.”
Another delegate added, “He is OpenAI’s right hand man. He has tried to sue OpenAI, he has lost court cases against OpenAI, he has created his own AI application that was dominated by OpenAI. What says that Elon Musk is not jealous of OpenAI?”
Later, crisis updates listed that Twitter posts from the public had come up with conspiracy theories, also stating how they believed that Elon was behind the malfunction. Several board members also argued that they should not be pointing fingers at everyone “like children” and that we should focus on sending a message out to the public instead.
After much more discussion about what the company should do at this time, they had a short intermission by the CEO of Nvidia, a longtime partner of the company who had just heard about the recent development. One could say that the CEO was not extremely happy with the board and “their lack of action in the face of crisis.”
The board had seemed to take this into consideration, because they began accusing even more rivals like DeepSeek AI and the People’s Republic of China, and just moments later, a public directive was passed to hire hitmen to assassinate DeepSeek’s CEO. BBC was unable to confirm whether or not the assassination was successful.
Following further discussion about accusations of Elon Musk, DeepSeek AI, and even the Chinese leader, a mysterious stranger barged into the conference room holding a heavy duty (nerf) gun. He then proceeded to shoot delegate Lindsey Held Bolton several times, a supporter of the fact that Elon Musk may have been behind the malfunctioning, and followed it up by detaining and dragging the dead delegate out of the room. It seemed to be the committee’s first in person experience of an assassination in the conference.
Though quickly succeeding the previous event, the previous delegate who was thought to have been deceased waddled into a shocked and appalled OpenAI committee, stating that it must’ve been Elon Musk because he was allegedly the one who hired multiple hitmen to kidnap and shoot the delegate. He announced this:
“Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall. Elon Musk has turned me into Humpty Dumpty! Now I look like a tree stump, an egg, a round sphere. Now, when I ask ChatGPT how many limbs a human has, maybe it’ll say zero, and it’ll be right. (..) If I can’t read my own notes with my arms that are no longer existent then he (Elon) shouldn’t be either. Let’s take revenge and take his limbs!!!”
Many were outraged at this sight before them, a fearful sight of a human with no legs, no arms, no body. Just a head.
The delegate now travels the conference as a “stump” and must waddle around moving forward.
Contrastingly, through a new crisis update it was revealed that Jason Kwan, Chief Strategy Officer, had been seen inserting a USB stick into the main computer, quote on quote “checking the systems”. Found highly suspicious by delegates, the director decided to hold a court session during the committee session as well, providing lawyers and prosecutors for the accused.
In his own defense, Jason said, “I’m just a curious person. There was nothing on it. I just wanted to see what would happen.”
In response, the prosecutor questioned how this high board member in an AI development company did not know anything about what would happen when putting a USB stick into a computer.
However Lindsey, also known as Humpty Dumpty or the Stump spoke up, saying how Jason was only in there because he was looking for his long lost limbs, to which Jason confirmed. Then the prosecutor made a bold inquiry, stating something along the lines of, “First of all, why are you putting your stick into things?”
To the many young and not as experienced delegates in the room, chaos promptly erupted.
After not much more consideration, an official vote was held, finalizing the decision of eliminating Jason Kwon for being guilty of being the cause of ChatGPTs “embarrassing and treacherous” malfunctions. With that, the delegate was promptly shot and hauled out of the room, with discussion continuing on about the crisis moving forward.