The Onion 11:00 a.m. PDT
Vancouver—Revealing their hesitation in busting the protective bubble that is the 10x10cm IPC committee room, CAHSMUN participants smile awkwardly as IPC dishes out 8 dry, empty superlatives as they try to imitate a normal committee. “I hate IPC, they’re so short and puny.” states anonymous SOCHUM delegate after being deemed “most boring” by IPC, which is ironic considering the near-constant emptiness of the closet-sized committee room.
Once again demonstrating the immense power sugar can have, the British Broadcasting Corporation gobbles down an entire box of KitKats, the news agency goes on a 40 minute Eminem styled rap listing NATO as worst Dias, FIFA for most corrupt, D(aniel)&D(avid) for power couple, and the Emirates news agency for most gossipy. After force-fitting one of their delegate’s hand under the IPC committee doors, NATO Dias storms in revealing the corruption and scandals that comprised of BBC’s committee experience.